Finding the Path from Anger to Forgiveness
April 1, 2016
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I have found the hardest part about anger is being angry at someone who is oblivious to how much they hurt you. You see them going about their lives, unperturbed, unaware of the hurting going on inside you, and even when you don’t, it plagues your thoughts. You feel the rage burning inside of you like a forest inferno that you can’t tame.

At one point I could not, for the life of me, fathom forgiving someone who didn’t even realize how much they’d hurt me. I wanted them to know and I wanted them to understand the wounds they had inflicted on me. I wanted them to apologize and make amends. Like most people, I learnt at a young age that the appropriate thing to do when I had grieved someone was to apologize and ask for forgiveness. By that logic, I figured that if anyone wronged me, it was only fair that they apologize before I forgave them. At the very least, I thought that if I knew they didn’t mean to hurt me, and that they would never hurt me on purpose and were remorseful for hurting me, it would be easier to forgive them. I could never have imagined forgiving someone who was unremorseful for their actions. I thought that my only recourse was to persist in my anger.

A lot of us find ourselves in such pitfalls. An unforgiving heart is a hard, heavy heart, laden with bitterness and resentment. Inability to forgive yourself and the ones who wronged you renders you stuck in victimhood, powerless. You remain a prisoner of the past, losing time you can never recover. Even worse, hurt people hurt others. You may have noticed yourself slowly slipping into a state of misery and dragging everyone else down with you. Perhaps you’ve lost some friends lately, and this could be the reason why. Holding onto pain keeps you chained down while everyone else moves on with their lives. After all, time waits for no man. Of course when something devastating happens to us we feel like the world should screech to a halt, but it doesn’t. Life moves on. Grass grows.

Wounds don’t heal the way you want them to, they heal the way they need to. It takes time for wounds to fade into scars, it takes time for the process of healing to take place. Give yourself that time. Give yourself that grace. Be gentle with your wounds. Be gentle with your heart. You deserve to heal.

Dele Olanubi

Don’t get stuck. One event should not rob you of so much time. If you let it, then they’ll have won. You need to move on, and the way to move on is to allow yourself to feel the pain, and then release it. Release yourself from any guilt and blame. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you. Cleanse your heart of all bitterness and resentment; put down the weight.

Your life is yours to live. It’s not anybody else’s, it’s yours. You’re not meant to just exist or suffer through life. You have to decide how you want to live. Let no one else pound you into submission. You were born free, slave to no one. Only you can hold yourself back with small thoughts and small prayers. Let them always be of freedom from anything that could hold you back. Let them always be of victory in every battle you face. Let them always be of abundance in every need and desire you hold. Let them always be of peace in all of your storms. Let them always be of simplicity amidst the complexities of life. Let them always be of happiness and joy no matter what life throws at you. You are a conqueror. You are one with the Creator. That is the kind of immense power that you hold. Let no one persuade you that you are anything less.

Give up your victim seat, you belong in the victor’s throne!

You have to take charge of your life, take back your power from the people who hurt you or things that cannot be changed now. Make deliberate efforts to better your life. Purpose to walk lighter, always having room for new positive experiences. Try new things, spend time alone discovering yourself, make new friends and always work towards becoming the person you want to be.

Read Also: 12 Ways to Nourish your Soul


About author

Wanjiru Ndung'u

Wanjiru Ndung'u writes fiction, poetry and essays. She is an irretrievable night owl, tea-lover and cat mom. She enjoys books, alternative music, movies and streaming shows.

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