When we are driven by ego and fear, our natural disposition is to seek control over people and situations. Relationships are perfect ground for exerting such control whether consciously or unconsciously, because it is in relating with others that the ego feels most vulnerable to rejection and disapproval. So we tweak some details about ourselves and embellish a few of our stories in order to get someone to like us. Even when they do, we remain afraid that we might lose them, so we identify all threats to the relationship and seek to get rid of them. We occupy all their time so that they never have time for other people. We use subtle manipulation techniques to get our way, the silent treatment first among them. Other times we meddle in their business, giving unsolicited advice. We try to take over, believing that we know a better way and when all this fails, we resort to sabotage.
Besides relationships, there are also other ways we use control to cope with our anxieties and insecurities. In the short term, control makes us feel and believe that we wield power over a person or situation, but that power is false. For example, when we overthink, we continuously try to answer of an endless string of ‘what if’ questions, believing that knowing the answers puts us at an advantage in a given situation. In reality, over-analyzing a person or situation consumes lots of energy and more often than not, only ends up distorting something simple. Even worse, even though we try to anticipate every possible angle or outcome of a situation, overthinking accomplishes little, save for robbing us of our peace of mind.
Realizing and recognizing that control stems from fear and that fear is driven by the ego’s needs is a good first step towards changing our behavior. There’s nothing wrong with the ego, only that letting it take over where our spirit should guide us doesn’t serve us. The ego is our self-image, the image in the mirror, not our true self. Our true self, made in the image and likeness of the Creator, is the soul within. Our true nature, the nature of I AM, is love and light, whose enemy is fear and darkness.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.
In his book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra explains it.
“In object-referral, your internal reference point is your ego. We are always influenced by objects outside the Self, which include situations, circumstances, people, and things. In object-referral we are constantly seeking the approval of others. Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based. We also feel an intense need to control things. We feel an intense need for external power. The need for approval, the need to control things, and the need for external power are needs that are based on fear.”
To let go of control, we must conquer the fear that drives it. To conquer the fear that drives it, we must allow Soul to take back the reigns from the ego. We must strive to re-establish our true nature of love and light by tapping back into Source, reconnecting with our Creator and allowing his life-giving streams to flow into us once again.
1 John 4:16 and we ourselves know and believe the love which God has for us. God is love, and those who live in love live in union with God, and God lives in union with them.
Fundamentally, the way to do this is to raise our self-awareness and by so doing become conscious of our thoughts, feelings and inner dialogue. Then we must repurpose this energy towards nurturing and nourishing Soul with the necessary strength to be our driving force. In a more practical sense, there are a few things we can do to tap back into Source and allow Soul to take the wheel. These include:
Spending some time in silence and solitude each day allows you to reflect on your life, to live act purposefully and mindfully and to explore yourself in relation to the environment and people around you as well as in relation to your creator. Meditation is a great way to recharge your batteries by silencing your mind or practicing mastery over the purpose and direction of your thoughts. Often, during meditation, one is able to tap into a higher force that allows one to see the meaninglessness of our human trifles which is incredibly helpful to one seeking inner peace.
This is one of the most effective techniques for feeding Soul with prana, life energy. Deep breathing is calming and it allows you to become hyper aware about everything within and without. This calm hyperawareness immediately raises your vibration to a much more positive frequency, which becomes stronger as it begins to resonate with other positive vibrations.
In today’s busy world, we receive much more stimuli than we are able to process during the day. Journaling helps us realign things in a way that makes sense. For example, a gratitude journal refocuses our energy on positive thoughts when we’ve had a bad day. A feelings journal helps us realize and admit how we feel about certain things in a safe space, which allows us to process our negative feelings in a healthy way. A productivity journal helps us stay motivated to pursue and achieve our goals and dreams, leaving little else time to get distracted by things that don’t serve us.
Spending time in nature
This can be done through walks, morning or evening jogs, swimming, hiking, traveling and exploring, gardening, landscape drawing and painting et cetera. Spending time in nature allows us to marvel at the Creator’s work and reflect on a beauty much bigger than ourselves. This provides the benefit of perspective, particularly when we get caught up in ourselves and our lives and develop tunnel vision.
Prayers, mantras, chants and affirmations
Each of these things has an aspect of calling out to God in it. It is a conversation with Source about what you are choosing for your life and as life is continuous, these too must be said regularly. Talking to God in any of these ways opens a direct line of connection to Him, with the advantage of asking boldly for exactly what we choose. This is a spiritual process that puts Soul firmly in charge.
Once you begin relying on Soul for direction, you will notice that fear has given way to courage, and the need for control has given way to respect and acceptance.
“Your true Self, which is your spirit, your soul, is completely free of those things. It is immune to criticism, it is unfearful of any challenge, and it feels beneath no one. And yet, it is also humble and feels superior to no one, because it recognizes that everyone else is the same Self, the same spirit in different disguises.”
Deepak Chopra – The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success2